You start cleaning up the mess but your toddler is complaining so loudly that the baby wakes up early and starts to cry. You decide to wait the baby’s crying out while you fix the breakfast situation, and guilt begins to gnaw at you for not responding right away. Every day is different with kids, but this kind of morning is definitely not atypical. It can sometimes feel like we can never get it all right or that we are not as good parents as we wish we could be. These thoughts begin to creep in when we experience what feels like setbacks, such as the hectic morning above, when your fifth grader doesn’t get good grades, or when your teenager won’t open up to you. That said, there is a way to hack your brain chemistry so that you feel more confident and capable: affirmations. “Affirmations help parents stay focused on what they want to achieve,” says Sierra Dator, MSW, a California-based licensed clinical social worker with 20 years experience working with youth and families and the owner of Wise Girls Workshops, a wellness program for girls and parents. “Whether that is developing more patience, finding joy in parenting, or appreciating who their child is despite difficulties, affirmations have a solid way of setting parents up mentally for the joys and challenges of parenting.”
How Do Affirmations Work?
Saying affirmations every day has been proven to reshape the way you see yourself and reduce the effects of negative emotions such as self-doubt. Research shows that, in the face of challenges, people who say affirmations feel happier and more hopeful than those who do not. “If we can change the way we think, we can change the way we feel and how we act,” explains Dator. “For example, if you are working with the affirmation, ‘I am a helpful listener even when it is hard,’ you will feel capable of listening when your teen is complaining about an unfair teacher and then you will participate in listening instead of nagging.” Choose a parenting affirmation that aligns with your core values and try saying it aloud every day. Our list of ideas can help get you started. A supportive community surrounds me. Getting enough sleep makes me a better parent. I am a good parent. I am a responsive parent. I am calm, and I take deep breaths when I need to. I am confident and capable. I am decisive. I am doing important work that will make a difference. I am doing my very best. I am enough. I am full of energy and life. I am gentle and kind. I am good at learning new things. I am loved. I am loving. I am making treasured memories for my kids and myself. I am made to do this important work. I am my children’s comfort place. I am my child’s real parent. I did not give birth to them, I chose them. I am not perfect but I am prepared and trying my best. I am patient. I am proud of my children. I am relaxed and sure of myself. I am resilient. I am the best parent for my children. I am thoughtful and kind. I am tuned into my baby’s needs. I am worthy. I believe in my parenting style. I believe in myself. I can decipher my baby’s cries. I can help my child navigate challenges. I can learn new things and excel at them. I can overcome difficult challenges. I can stay calm when I feel frustrated or upset. I can stay calm when my kids are not. I decide what kind of parent I am. I do my very best every day. I don’t give up in the face of challenges. I don’t need to be perfect. I enjoy being with my children. I find joy in everyday parenting. I focus on the positives in every situation. I get better at what I do every day. I inspire my children. I know how to take care of my child. I know how to take care of myself as a parent. I know my child best. I know what is best for my child. I learn from my mistakes, and I move forward. I listen to my inner voice. I listen to what my baby is trying to tell me, and I respond. I make everything better when my children are scared or upset. I make sound judgments about parenting. I meet my baby’s needs. I move past failures and seek out the next success. I put my heart into all that I do. I raise strong, confident kids. I spend enough time with my children. I show up every day for my kids. I trust my own wisdom. I trust my parenting instincts. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to accept help when it is offered. I don’t have to do this all alone. It’s okay for babies to cry. It’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to take a break. I was made to be a parent. I was made to parent my specific children. I will figure it all out. I will make the right decisions for my child. I will not repeat my parents’ mistakes. I will carve out a new path for myself and my family. Limits help my kids feel safe and secure. Love and dedication make the parent, not the DNA. Mistakes are part of the learning process. My actions set a good example for my kids. My baby can sleep. Sleep is a natural process. My body created and sustained life, and that is a miracle. My body makes enough milk for my baby. My children are good enough already. I do not have to make them better. My children are safe. My children deserve a parent who is well-rested. My children do best with me as their parent. My children love me. My children need me. My children need me to take care of myself. My children thrive under my parenting abilities. My efforts now will make a big difference in the long run. My kids admire me. My kids come to me for help and support. My kids look up to me. My touch comforts my baby. Parenting comes naturally to me. Parenting has its up and downs. I can get through the downs and I know the ups are coming. Parenting is hard but I can do it. Parenting is something I can learn and get better at every day. Taking a moment alone when I need it makes me a better parent. Taking care of someone else comes naturally to me and fulfills me. When I fail, I can try again.
A Word From Verywell
Affirmations can literally change our brains so that we see ourselves in a more positive light. Parenting is challenging, and it can sometimes feel like we aren’t doing it right. It’s easy to slip into feelings of guilt or worthlessness if we don’t activity try to reverse that. Repeating affirmations such as, “I am enough,” “I trust my parenting instincts,” and “My children need a well-rested parent,” can help keep our short-term focus and offer long-term results.
