To understand emotions, we must distinguish between primary and secondary emotions. A primary emotion is what we feel first. The secondary emotion is what follows from it. For example, we feel anger (the secondary emotion), but the primary emotion that leads to this might be stress, a blocked need, or something else. If we understand the primary or underlying emotion we can figure out how to help. Thus, identifying these unmet emotional needs leads to a solution. For your child, anxiety is a major primary emotion that occurs for numerous reasons, but it almost always leads to a secondary emotion such as anger, upset, crying, or aggression. If we only respond to the secondary emotion, for example, the anger, we will miss the cause of the problem and no real solution will occur. If we respond to the anxiety, we will be able to address the real cause of the problem. Emotions must be understood and dealt with in a systematic manner, including the teaching of specific management skills. Anxiety Management Anxiety cannot be measured or observed except through its behavioral manifestation either verbal or nonverbal. A child can cry, complain of a stomachache or headache, crawl under the table, become argumentative, call others unkind names, or in some other way show distress. They may all be manifestations of anxiety. To manage the anxiety, we divide it into a number of parts:
