You might not have an official rule that says, “No banging spoons on the table.” So, you might need to say to your child, “Stop banging your spoon please,” if they’re interrupting your dinner. Setting limits can be tough for several reasons. Sometimes, parents feel guilty about saying, “No.” Or, they want to avoid a temper tantrum that will surely erupt when a child is told of a limit. And of course, partners don’t always agree on what limits to set with kids. But limits are good for kids. It teaches them appropriate behavior and gives them opportunities to sharpen some of their skills. Help your child develop strategies that will impose limits on himself. Tell a young child to “beat the timer” when he’s getting dressed in the morning and set a timer for five minutes. Or, tell an older child she can watch TV as soon as she gets all of her homework done. Give your child opportunities to show you that he can be responsible with the limits you’ve given them. If they’re able to handle the limits you’ve set, they can show that they’re ready to handle more responsibility. Create behavior management contracts to help your child understand concrete ways you’ll recognize when they need fewer limits. Limits should be set with a child’s eating habits, for example. Without limits, many kids would eat junk food all day. Setting limits means saying, “No, you can’t have a third cookie,” or “You need to eat a healthy choice first.” Limits should also be set in regards to electronics. Many kids would be content watching TV or playing on the computer all day long. Just because your child is sad that they can’t eat that third cookie doesn’t mean you should give in. Instead, it gives you a great opportunity to teach your child about feelings and help them find healthy ways to cope with it. Instead, teach them how to do those things for themself. Kids who know how to handle uncomfortable feelings will be better equipped for the realities of adulthood. Giving negative consequences for breaking the rules, shows that you are not going to let things get out of control. It also teaches a child that you love them. Saying to a teen, “I care about you and that’s why I am giving you a curfew,” might annoy your child on the surface. But, it shows that you are willing to work invest energy into your child’s life even if it means having to tolerate hearing “you’re the meanest parent ever.”
