If, occasionally, you lose it and spank your child, you aren’t going to damage him or your relationship forever. It’s not an effective or positive approach to discipline, though. It’s a more serious problem if you commonly spank your child, or if it’s one of your dominant disciplinary methods. I find it hard to justify spanking at any time. Here’s why:
It teaches your child that violence is an acceptable way to express anger and deal with conflict. This contradicts the rest of how you are trying to raise your child. It is painful. Deliberately instilling pain on your child is cruel (even if you believe it’s “for their own good”). The slogan, “No pain, no gain” does not apply to child rearing. It’s harmful emotionally for you. Have you ever felt wonderful after hitting a child? Spanking often leads to remorse, guilt, and doubts about the quality of your own parenting skills. Avoid the agony-resist the urge to smack. It’s a very unpleasant sensation to feel like a bully. It’s harmful emotionally for the child. Spanking is traumatic, makes a child feel as though there’s something wrong with her (instead of something wrong with her behavior), creates resentment, and can lead to body image and self image problems. Spanking tells a child she is powerless. A powerless person will act out, leading to more problems. Spanking is disrespectful to the child, and it doesn’t help teach respectful values or standards. It breaks trust and invades a child’s sense of security. It halts effective communication. Where do you go from there? Once you resort to physical discipline, the only steps “up” are more, or stronger physical discipline. Don’t start down that path. It doesn’t work! In the very, very short term, you may stop the misbehavior. The backlash is not worth the very, very short term.
